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Relationship

Domestic Violence

No one should feel scared to get close to the person they think affectionate towards, yet

domestic violence causes a rift in the family. It can happen to any person, men included.

There are underlying problems that make it reach the point of abuse, but most of the time

these problems are ignored, justified, denied or overlooked. Violence is not only physical and

emotional, but it can also occur psychologically too and can escalate to the point of the raging

war. In as much as it happens to those inside a relationship, the abuser can abuse the ones

close to the abused.

Physical abuse involves using force against someone in a way that threatens his or her safety.

Psychological, mental or emotional abuse occurs when the abuser subjects their partner to

behavior that may cause emotional disturbances as trauma, depression or even anxiety.

Verbal abuse also causes emotional scarring. Sexual abuse happens when one person

pressures another to sexual activity without their consent. This comes in the form of rape,

different types of inappropriate touching, suggestive talk, and restricting the use of protection

or family planning methods. Financial abuse is when a partner controls or micromanages the

other person’s pay slip or money. Though so thin, it can often go unnoticed. This can also

happen when a person tells another how to use the money, or how they can or cannot use it.

Stalking is also a form of abuse with someone following, harassing or watching another

making them feel scared or insecure (Peterman & Dixon, 39).

It does not choose, and it can happen in a same-sex couple or heterosexual ones, the young

or old, black or white and no matter the economic status. Though not acceptable in any way,

violence should not be a method used to make a point known. In research by authors

Williams and Frieze at an emergency hospital in Philadelphia, 12.6% of male patients were

victims of domestic abuse. It is taken that women being weaker than men are prone to get

abused as compared to their male counterparts, but that is not the case. In their research

21.6% were men, and 28.7% were women. Women, on the other hand, are arrested and

harshly treated by the justice system for incidences about domestic violence. This is because,

in their defenseless nature, they use weapons for protection, therefore causing injuries.

Children who grow up seeing their parents have a go at each other are a higher risk of

experimenting on such behavior with their partners. Financial reasons also cause domestic

violence and women, especially, stay in an abusive relationship due to the economic factor.

Also, that control that a partner might have on another may cause them to listen more to that

voice that they experience before an attack. Thoughts such as ‘How can (s)he think that way

of me?’ or ‘How can (s)he do that to me?’ or ‘Who do they think they are?’ It is that voice

makes them act destructively. Again, according to psychologist Robert Firestone, another

reason why domestic violence occurs is due to what he refers as ‘a fantasy bond.’ Such a

belief system that another person is responsible for your happiness despite the treatment

offered is more likely to cause suffering.

There are visible signs of a destructive relationship. Domestic violence takes many forms, but

the main aspects of making it feel like abuse are when one partner has to feel scared or 

afraid, depressed, being belittled, making you feel guilty or useless, controlling behavior, not

being listened to, or the evident bashing and violence that occurs. I think that there is no need

to be in a relationship that keeps you on your toes, not knowing what results from your

actions, words or thoughts may bring.

To stop domestic violence, we need to understand what is its leading cause, what are the

signs and how it works. People need to know what triggers such events and try avoiding them

as much as possible. Also, people need to challenges themselves when it comes to negative

thought trends and patterns. This inner voice needs to be reasoned with so as not to feed these

aggressive manners. People need to take responsibility for their actions. This means knowing

and identifying stressful moments, and realizing that no matter how angry or furious I am

with my partner, these emotions cannot kill me. People also need to know the thin line

between the real and the anti-self. This means that they have a decision to make as to what

‘self’ they will listen to (Rollnick & Miller, 333)

So how then, do I keep myself safe? Whether male or female, identify if you are in

immediate danger. It may be hard to notice it immediately, but if certain trends make you feel

endangered. Then talk to someone or go somewhere safe. Though it may be hard to let go of

someone you deemed to be a partner, it is best to critically analyze the situation and

determine whether it is worth the abuse. If it goes unchecked, severe irreversible damages or

even death may occur. Get support from a trusted friend or counsellor, who will probably

give you certain perspectives unseen to you. In addition, for cases where stalkers are

involved, it is better to talk to the local authorities because it is within their jurisdiction and

they are there to help you. You need to know your rights, and in as much as a person tries to

belittle or make you feel bad or guilty, you need to believe in yourself. My reminder to

anyone in such a situation is, nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Works Cited

William, K., & Frieze, L. M. (2011). Domestic Violence: Responding to the Needs of

Patients. Nursing Standard, 25(26), 48-56

Peterman, L. M., & Dixon, C. G. (2001). Assessment and evaluation of men who batter

women. 857, Journal of Rehabilitation, 67(4), 38-42

Rollnick, S., & Miller, W. R. (1995). What is motivational interviewing? Behavioural and

Cognitive Psychotherapy, 23, 325-334.